Reverse Robotics
by Allison Shorecoat
Summary: So, in my short life I have been changed from an ordinary girl into the keeper of the All Spark, fought alongside Alien Robots from another planet, saved the world twice (okay, maybe a few more times than that) and destroyed several cities and ancient monuments. But there are some things that even the craziest of lives doesn't prepare you for. And this is one of those things.
1. Occurrences most strange

**So hello there peeps. Tis I, Allison Shorecoat, returned once more with the third instalment of my series. Once again my OC's Ally and Abbie shall wreak havoc upon the known world and occasionally fight bad guys. **

**So before we start, may I just thank you all for sticking with me for this long! And warn you of that in the very first chapter I shall introduce my first major plot twist. **

**While "I'm the All Spark?" and "Meet the Matrix" both roughly followed the same plot as the movies, the third is very much going to deviate from the path of the third movie. You have been warned! **

**Now, please, sit back, enjoy the show, and try not to hunt me down and kill me after you have finished!**

**Chapter 1: Occurrences most strange**

There are times in life when you're not sure if you're awake or if you're dreaming. For me, this was one of those times. The situation that I had now somehow managed to find myself in made absolutely no sense to me no matter how hard I tried to get my head around it. It felt like I should have been dreaming, but despite my attempts to wake myself up, including stubbing toe, pinching myself and just generally being odd, the situation didn't change.

I was standing just outside the entrance to the base, staring at the ground around me. Well, more accurately I was staring at what was on the ground around me. My friends, the Autobots, the several tonne, giant, metallic robots, or what was left of them now anyway. I had no idea what had happened, one moment we had been walking along, joking at each other's expense, and then they had all stopped out of nowhere, as if they were all in pain. Then they had just started shrinking, their armour had burned and melted away and slowly they had morphed down to this much small size. And now none of them were moving, they were only around the same size as me and I had no clue what was happening.

Slowly, and very cautiously I crouched beside one of the curled figures. It was completely shrouded in a deep purplish material which I could almost describe as looking like the nervous system of a human. Running up and down and twisting all over it were raised lines of circuitry which were constantly emitting pulses of white light that ran up the wire pretty much identical to a firing neuron. It was almost mesmerising to watch them.

Gingerly I reached out and very lightly touched the shrouded figure, only for a brief second, before it moved, lashing out with its arm, its hand snagging mine. I screamed and tried to pull away, but the grip that it had was just too strong. Then, all at once it released me and I thudded back onto the floor on my butt as it slowly sat up. As I watched on in terrified curiosity, the shrouded hands fumbled up slowly to its head where they felt along the material for a good minute, before gripping the crown of the suit and pulling. I winced as there was a sticky tearing sound and grimaced as the purple material lifted and tore away from whatever was underneath. My confusion was only heightened when it was revealed that what was underneath was more purple, only this time, it was lighter and almost looked like hair. The creature continued to pull away the material, slowly revealing a face. A human face.

As I sat there, looking like a confused guppy the young woman slowly pulled away the last of the material from her face. Much to my surprise, she was probably only around my age, with short lilac hair which was cropped close to her head, damp and sticky and clinging to her glistening pale skin. Her aqua eyes flitted over to me, confusion glittering in their depths as she studied me for a long moment. Neither of us spoke, I was too busy staring at this strange woman in shock and evidently that was what she was doing as well. There was no sound, save for the cold rustle of wind and the occasional awkward bird.

Finally, she spoke, 'Ally? Did you grow?'

The silence just deepened as I continued to stare at her, mind going blank for a long moment as my brain obviously reached its maximum for trying to come to terms with what I was seeing. Finally, I blinked, and I managed to croak out, 'No.'

'You sure?' she asked, 'why the hell are you looking at me like that? You look as if one of those feathered things you refer to as birds has come along and shat on your head.'

More silence as I tried to form a response, 'ah…' oh, I could be so eloquent at times.

The woman arched her eyebrows, 'what's the matter? Come on, spit it out.'

'Who are you?' I stammered slowly and this time she frowned at me.

'You're kidding. What have you done to yourself-oh slag!' suddenly she broke off, as she had lifted one of her hands to her face to brush away a strand of hair.

Her aqua eyes widened as she studied the hand trembling in front of her face and she swore again softly. I don't know what about her reaction clued me in, but suddenly as I looked at her, I saw something very familiar about her. I pushed myself up onto my knees and stared at her for a long moment then realisation dawned.

'Holy-Chromia?'

'What's happened to me?' she demanded, ignoring my question, 'Ally, what did you do?'

I blinked, before remarking indignantly, 'I didn't do anything. Are you Chromia?'

'Yes, I'm Chromia you stupid human!' she snapped and I glared at her.

'Cool it, I was just asking,' I scowled as she glowered at me, 'I don't know what's happening to you for the record. You all just collapsed a few minutes ago, and now you all look like this.'

'What do you mean _all_? The others-'

'You're not special Chromia,' someone else spoke up then, and I looked over Chromia's shoulder as she whipped around to face the speaker.

It didn't take me as long to recognise her, what with her bright pink hair glued to her face and neck as she struggled to get to her knees, 'Arcee?'

'Yes. Ally, do you know what's happened to us?' she asked, much more pleasantly than her sister.

I shook my head, 'no…' my voice sounded so high pitched it wasn't funny.

Her eyes, the same colour as Chromia's locked on mine for a long moment, before she nodded, 'damn it. Where's Moonracer?'

'I'm here,' the final Triplet suddenly spoke up from just behind me and when I turned I saw Moonracer, or who I assumed to be her, slowly picking away the last of the face covering of her own suit.

Carefully she reached around to tug her long sky blue hair out from the knot which it was gathered in at the base of her neck, allowing the wet locks to fall to her waist and stared over at her sisters, 'what's happened to us? Why are we so small?' she asked, eyeing her now tiny human hands.

'How should we know?' Chromia demanded, 'our guess is as good as yours.'

A slight rustle of cloth on asphalt made me look round to see Arcee slowly shuffling across to us on her knees, 'what about the others?' she asked as she moved over to us, 'are they-'

'Small? Yup,' I pointed over at one of the other huddled figures who, from what I could gather, was just stirring.

Leaving the Triplets I hurried over to this next Autobot, vowing that I would stay calm when I saw who it was. Just as I crouched beside them they pulled off the head covering and shook their hair loose. Almost at once I recognised Ratchet's holoform, the platinum hair and pale features. When his eyes opened I was confronted with glowing forest green instead of blue. He blinked, and frowned at me for a long moment.

'You've grown?' was the first thing he said.

'No, you've shrunk,' I corrected, 'quite a lot.'

Again he frowned at me, 'what?'

'Look at your hands Ratchet,' I sighed deeply.

He did just that and once again came the reaction of apoplectic horror and mystification. My own bewilderment, whilst still strong, had been pushed to the side as I watched their own reactions, as I decided that for now, I needed to hold myself at least partially together so as not to spook them anymore.

Ratchet looked up at me in shock, 'Ally…how did…?'

'I don't know. And it wasn't me,' I decided to point that out early as I could see that that was his next question.

'Then who was it?' he demanded, 'oh dear Primus, what happened to us?'

I shrugged, just as from behind us came a flurry of loud curses, 'Oh slag, what the…sweet Primus, what the frag is this? Is this a joke? Ratchet you little glitch, is this one of your little science projects? Because if it is-'

'Ironhide,' I whipped around to face him, 'could you do the world a favour and calm down?'

Ironhide glared at me from where he was sitting on the floor a few feet away, his icy blue eyes narrowed into slits, 'Tell me what's going on and then I'll calm down.'

I sighed, 'For the fifth time, I don't know what's happening.'

Ironhide growled and raked a hand through his damp black hair and flopped back on the tarmac. I looked back at Ratchet who was squinting over at Ironhide, biting his lip as if deep in thought. None of the Autobots who had woken up had tried to move from where they had fallen, apart from Arcee, but she hadn't walked, instead she had just sort of crab walked. I stood and looked around the remaining, unmoving figures, wondering who was who.

I jumped as I heard a loud, shrill buzz behind me, and whipped around in shock, only to see Bumblebee tottering around on his toes, arms swinging in comic circles his turquoise eyes wide, his blonde hair flopping into his face. Acting on instinct I darted forward and caught him just before he face planted onto the ground.

'Take it easy Bee,' I grunted as I helped him to sit, 'I'm no expert but I'm going to take a guess and say sudden humanisation isn't too good for your system.'

Bumblebee let out a small buzz and looked up at me with huge, puppy dog eyes, the same question that everyone else had asked swirling in their glowing depths. I shook my head as I crouched in front of him, 'I don't know Bee, I really don't. No one does. But I'm sure once everyone wakes up we can figure it out.'

Bee nodded meekly as Moonracer spoke up softly, 'who's still…'

I looked around at the remaining fully covered figures, 'um…Starscream, Sideswipe, the Twins, Jazz and Optimus…I think…'

'You can take me off that list,' I jumped as one of them spoke, sounding a little muffled as they sat up and slowly picked at the face covering.

Deep black hair flopped around his face in shaggy locks as Starscream slowly opened his wide blood red eyes and shook his head, as if to clear it. As a lump of hair fell into his eyes, he jumped and scooted back across the ground in shock as he reached up and practically went cross eyed as he stared at the hair in front of his face. I waited patiently for his reaction, expecting it to the same as the others.

'Holy slag! I'm squishy!' he suddenly yelped.

'We're all squishy Starscream,' Chromia snapped, 'we don't know how, but it looks like Ally isn't the only human instalment of the Autobot team anymore.'

Bumblebee beeped plaintively and rested his head in his hands sadly, fixing all of us with the same look of abject confusion. I sighed as I sat down on the tarmac next to Bee and followed his example as I watched them attempt to come to terms with what they were seeing. Ironhide had decided he was bored with sitting around and was already attempting to get to his feet, with much the same success as Bumblebee, wobbling around for a long minute, before collapsing back onto the ground with a growl each time.

'Give it up Ironhide,' Ratchet snapped, 'obviously the balance is different. You won't get it straight away.'

'And I won't get it at all sitting around,' Ironhide responded just as grouchily, forcing himself up.

I looked over at him as he wobbled unsteadily, 'stop leaning back so much, put more weight on the front of your feet.'

He did and the unsteady totters stopped momentarily, 'see Doc, I can do it.'

I rolled my eyes and glanced around at the others. To my surprise Jazz was sitting up, looking dazed as he blinked around at his surroundings. I carefully picked myself up and wandered over to him, 'you alright?'

He shook his head, and ran a hand over his stubbly black hair. His blue eyes stared up at me in confusion, seeming even brighter against his deep brown skin, 'Na-ah.'

Wrapping my arms around myself I tried to form a smile, but for once in my life it actually didn't work at all. Usually I could at least form a grimace, but I could only imagine that the expression I was pulling now looked more like a sociopath's plotting face than a genuine, "it will all be okay" smile.

'You're human,' I decided to point out to Jazz, who was just sitting stock still, staring into space, 'hello? Are you in?'

When he didn't reply, I lightly reached out and patted his cheek, 'wakey wakey.'

'Please tell me this a dream,' he breathed at last, and I shook my head.

'Sorry, unfortunately not. I could lie to you though if it made you feel any better?'

Jazz said nothing, and he went back to his absent, shell-shocked staring. Leaving him be, I decided to head over to Starscream or Ironhide, both of whom were on their feet and were now attempting to walk, when I was stopped by a loud exclamation.

'Dude!'

I screwed my eyes shut at once and heaved the deepest sigh I physically could as I recognised the voice. It was probably too much to hope for that the second of them wouldn't wake up for a while, but as always, the greater powers in the universe had it in for me as the first voice was closely followed by a second.

'Holy slag! What happened to your face Mudflap?'

'My face, you should see yours!'

I whipped around to face the twins, who were both staring at each other in horror, already arguing. Face palming I cursed under my breath. Obviously it was too much to ask that the two of them would actually behave for once, and I didn't want to risk my sanity any more than I had to and go over to them to try and explain what was going on here. Mainly because_ I_ didn't know what the hell was happening and I really doubted that that fact would go down well.

It took a while, but my prayers for someone sensible to wake up were finally answered as someone who could only be Optimus pulled away the face covering of their suit. For a long moment I hung back, unsure about how he would react to this sudden transformation, not wanting to launch straight into a questionnaire when it was still highly plausible that he may freak just as much as the others.

Optimus raked back his damp, dark hair and froze, before lowering his hand to his face to stare at the now human digits. However, unlike the others he didn't swear or cry out in horror or shock. Instead he rapidly looked up at the others as if checking to see if he was the only one or if this had happened to all of them. When he had obviously gauged that everyone was in the same boat he forced himself to his knees and locked eyes with me.

'Ally-' he cut off before he got any further, a hand flying to his throat.

Not for the first time I was shocked into silence, before suddenly I burst out laughing. Over the years I had become accustomed to Optimus's deep voice, but it seemed that this transformation to human had done something to his voice box. Instead of being the usual deep baritone it was several octaves higher and it sounded decidedly strange. As I continued to laugh quietly, Optimus frowned at me, while the others turned around to look at me in confusion.

'Is everything alright?'

'I think she's gone round the bend.'

'Only now? I thought she went round the bend ages ago.'

I shook my head and sucked in a deep breath to compose myself just as Chromia finished her sentence, 'sorry, it's just- Oh my God, Optimus your voice!'

The others all turned to look at Optimus, who just glared at me, one hand still at his throat, 'I don't really think that this is important at the moment Ally.'

Most of the Autobots snickered as he spoke, especially Ironhide who looked extremely amused by Optimus's obvious discomfort about this change. In fact, Optimus appeared more uncomfortable with his vocal change than with the actual physical change from robot to human. Ironhide, who had managed to mostly get his head around walking, carefully took Optimus's arm and pulled him to his feet, supporting him as he wobbled unsteadily.

'Does anybody know what's happening?' Optimus asked when he was finally balanced.

Everyone shook their heads, 'no we don't,' Ratchet spoke, 'and neither does Ally.'

I shrugged, 'you all just collapsed and then ba-boom, you became human.'

Optimus seemed to think for a long moment, biting the bottom corner of his lip, brow furrowing, before he glanced up at me, 'you look as if you're clinging to sanity by a thread,' he commented suddenly.

'Oh I am,' I beamed in false cheer, 'but I figured that it would be better for all of you if I saved my freak out for later because all of you are freaking out now and I don't think me joining in would be very helpful.'

While most of the Autobots looked amused by this, Optimus, Ironhide, Starscream and Bumblebee all seemed to appear grateful. By now, most of them were on their feet, some balancing better than others and most using each other as supports. Optimus, who had been the last to wake, was flanked by Bumblebee and Ironhide, both making sure that they're leader didn't face plant into the dirt. I sighed deeply as I looked around at them all, still clueless about what to do or say.

The silence which had fallen upon our group was interrupted by the arrival of Lennox and Epps. I felt a little bad for the huge surge of relief which flooded my system when I realised that I could now share this huge surprise with someone else. Lennox was the first to reach us, looking perplexed. Before he could speak I cut across him.

'These are the Autobots. They're now human. No, I don't know what's happening, no I didn't do it and no, they don't understand either. Now, if you'll please excuse me,' I started to walk away, before turning back suddenly to face the still shocked looking Lennox, 'make sure they don't go anywhere!'

'Where are you going?' Ironhide asked.

'Either to scream into a pillow or find a desert island and freak out there. Haven't decided which yet.'


	2. Mommy, where'd the robots go?

**Hello people! It's me again! I'm back for more.**

**Okay, so surprisingly chapter one went down quite well with the crowds from what I could gather. That was a lovely surprise. I'm really glad that the people who are reading this seem to like it. So thank you everyone! **

**Now, before I continue on and acknowledge all my lovely reviewers just quickly allow me to explain the long gap. Currently I am in year 12 which means, for those of you who aren't familiar with it, that I am going to do my HSC this year, my final high school exams. So this consequently means that I have to study, and work, a lot more and my writing doesn't always get the time that I would like it to have. But rest assured that I will never abandon this story, updates my take a while sometimes, but they will always happen at some point. So please stay with me! I will do my best to not disappoint all of my brilliant readers!**

**Okay, now, to my reviewers.**

**Life-Luvr123: *laughs evilly* I'm glad you like it. I was hoping that people would. As for Optimus's voice. I don't know, I l**_**ove**_** his voice in the movies, Peter Cullen is fantastic and so perfect for the role, but when I turned them into itty bitty humans the deep voice just didn't work with the image of him. And thank you for the idea, the males do need to be introduced to why sometimes it isn't great when someone kicks down there. I will incorporate that at some point. **

**The random femme: mmm, chocolate. Thank you so much for the review. Here is your long awaited update. Hopefully it is not too late to deliver CPR. **

**Anissa: Here, I have updated! I have updated! And thank you for so many reviews. But here is your update!**

**Guest: Ah…yes…I think so…after I have finished number 3…got to finish number 3 first. But yes, I do have an idea for a fourth. **

**So, thank you to all of you who reviewed or just read. Now please enjoy chapter 2 of Reverse Robotics.**

* * *

**Chapter 2: Mommy, where'd the robots go?**

'OH MY FREAKING GOD!' I shrieked as soon as I entered the confines of my room, 'oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! This cannot be happening. This is un-natural, they're robots, they're aliens. They are _not_ itty bitty humans! Maybe I'm dreaming, I have to be dreaming. Of course, this is a dream. Giant robots don't just change, they don't, they can't. How can they? It's just not possible! This is just _not_ possible!'

With that final cry I collapsed face down onto my bed, groaning loudly, 'this is not possible. Primus, God, Satan, I don't care who, but can one of you please explain this to me? Because I don't understand,' I moaned into my mattress.

For a long while I didn't move, waiting for some sort of sign, some sort of explanation as to what the hell was happening. I didn't understand. The Autobots were Robots; they were towering robots from the planet Cybertron. For them to suddenly become these tiny, fragile humans was beyond my levels of comprehension. Something had caused this, it wouldn't have just happened for no reason. But the cause was what confused me, was what perplexed, bewildered, confused and confuzzled me.

I looked up slowly, wisps of hair falling into my face as I huffed deeply, 'why does this crap always happen to me?'

…

In the foyer of the base of Diego Garcia Major William Lennox stared at the group of people in front of him, arms folded, brow furrowed, mind reeling. This made no sense to him, but he had a feeling that it made no sense to just about everyone. Seated before him the Autobots all seemed slightly dazed, and Lennox reflected that if he was confused, they would be totally blown away by this. They were, after all, Robots. They were huge! The smallest had been the triplets, but even they had been about two meters taller than any human they had come across. Now, they were all tiny.

Everyone flinched as a high pitched shriek, muffled by walls and distance reached them in the foyer. Lennox glanced over at Epps, 'Ally?'

'Ally,' Epps agreed.

The Autobots looked up at the sound and Ironhide commented, at least, Lennox assumed it was Ironhide, 'she's taking it well. I would have thought she would have destroyed something by now.'

There was a loud boom and the walls vibrated slightly. Peering out the window Lennox could just make out a large singed area of grass, with the smoking remains of a truck in the middle. He turned back to Ironhide.

'Want to rethink that last statement?'

Shakily Ironhide stood, and Lennox couldn't help but notice how gingerly he walked, thinking about each footfall. As it turned out, it wasn't enough and without warning, he stacked it. At once, the twins burst out laughing as Ironhide glared at the patch of floor he was lying on.

Carefully, Lennox helped him to stand, hooking an arm around his, 'up you come buddy.'

As he stood though, a large portion of the skin tight purple suit ripped away from his calf. Lennox flinched at the sticky tearing sound. Almost at once, everyone turned to Ratchet. The Medic just looked back around at everyone else.

'What?' he demanded, 'it ripped, what do you want me to do about it?'

Ironhide was looking down at the large rip in the fabric and at the perfectly formed human flesh which had been beneath it. Out of what seemed to be sheer curiosity he peeled away another large section so right down from his knee, the pale human flesh could be seen. He only stopped when he reached his foot and the fabric seemed to stick to his skin, refusing to be peeled away. He hissed in pain.

Slowly, Ratchet made his way over to Ironhide and examined the now dead looking fabric which lay on the floor. The moment it had peeled away the neuron pulses had stopped firing and the wires went dark. With a small frown Ratchet looked down at his own suit briefly. A large section on the arm had the same appearance as the dead stuff next to Ironhide. The neurons had stopped and turned a dark grey and the fabric was splitting away from the rest of the suit. When he tugged at the edge of it, it came away from his skin with a sticky peeling sound. When he tugged at the edge of the still live suit, it stuck fast to his skin.

'Ah, I see,' he muttered.

'See what?' Optimus, who had been relatively quiet until then, asked cautiously.

'The suits,' Ratchet pointed out, 'I know what they're for now.'

'Well, do tell,' Chromia said, tugging away a section from her own suit, starting at her finger tips, right the way up to her shoulder, revealing a perfectly formed, pale human arm.

Before he could start though, they were interrupted by someone saying, 'Oh God, they're still human.'

Everyone turned to see Ally standing with Epps at the door to the foyer, looking slightly calmer, but still a little shocked.

…

After I had successfully blown one of the military trucks, which had unfortunately been parked under the window to my room, to smithereens I felt a little better. Emphasis on little. I still felt like my head was going to explode as my brain continued to work in over drive to try and make some sense out of the situation I was in. It really didn't help that there was a little voice which kept on circulating in repeat;

_This is probably your fault._

It probably was. As far as I could tell the All Spark was the only thing powerful enough to do something like this. Apart from the Matrix, but I found that hard to believe given how much control Sekhmet had over her abilities. I would have to ask her when she got back from another one of her exploration missions. But currently, the most likely culprit for these shenanigans was me. I didn't know what I had done, or even how I had done it. I didn't even remember using my abilities for the last few weeks except to pick things up when I was too lazy to move.

I sat down heavily on the edge of my bed and rubbed my face with my hands, wondering what to do, when there was a quiet knock on my door, 'come in Epps.'

Epps stuck his head around the door, 'Are you alright?'

'Never better,' I said sarcastically and he smiled, opening the door a little more so he could lean against the door frame.

'What did that truck ever do to you?'

'It was in the wrong place at the wrong time,' was my response and he laughed softly.

'Are you any calmer?'

'Yeah.'

'Do you feel ready to come out then? Because I think we may have another problem.'

I groaned loudly and flopped backwards, slapping myself in the face, 'what now?'

Still, I followed him out into the foyer where the Autobots, the still human Autobots, were waiting. I huffed and pulled a face, 'Oh god, they're still human.'

It was then that I noticed something. There was a lot more human skin visible now than there had been when we had been outside. The suits seemed to be peeling away for some reason, leaving the pale flesh underneath completely exposed.

'What's going on with you lot?' I asked, nodding towards the discarded pieces of purple fabric.

Ratchet turned to me, 'I was just getting to that Ally.'

I held up my hands, gesturing for him to continue, while shooting Epps a questioning look, to see if this was the problem he was referring to. He nodded.

'So, I think these suits are sort of like, skin tight incubation pods. Like the ones hatchlings develop in, except they're attached to us, we're not floating around in nutrient gel. These suits are influencing and no doubt speeding up the development and perfection of these human forms. And when a section is completed then the suit is no longer needed and it dies and falls away,' he explained.

As if to clarify this, Optimus reached up and tugged at the suit around his neck like it was itching, and a huge portion over his left shoulder, upper chest and arm ripped away. I flinched at the sound. The Autobots all seemed to nod, as if they all understood exactly what Ratchet had just said. It made enough sense to me, the suits were what was helping the formation of their bodies, when they weren't needed they would simply peel off.

I froze. When the suits weren't needed they would simply peel off. Oh dear.

I whipped around to face Lennox, 'I need you to go and find some spare uniforms, spare clothes, bath robes anything.'

He looked confused, 'why?'

'Because I don't think they're wearing much under those suits,' I pointed out.

He seemed to understand that and he nodded at once, 'gotcha. Epps, come with me.'

The two of them hurried away and I turned to the Autobots. Most of them were now on their feet, slowly getting over their shock and examining their new bodies. I rolled my eyes when I saw the triplets, who seemed more confused than anyone about their bodies.

'Are you guys okay over here?' I asked carefully as I approached them.

Arcee was pursing her lips, hands on her hips as she stared down at her body, wriggling her toes. Chromia was...jumping up and down on the spot for some odd reason. I gave her a funny look and made a point of raising an eyebrow.

'What are you doing?'

She stopped jumping and her hands went to her chest, 'what the hell are these things?' she demanded, 'they keep on moving around.'

I face palmed, 'They would when you jump like that. Anyway, you guys should know enough about human anatomy by now to know what they are.'

They all just looked back and I pulled a face, internally cursing that I should be the one who had to explain this to them, 'seriously you three? You don't know what breasts are?'

Blank stares again, 'you know? Boobs. The things that guys judge a girl on. No, you don't know?'

'But what's their purpose?' Arcee asked, touching her own chest.

'Okay, would you three stop doing that,' I looked away, 'and whatever you do, don't pull the stuff away from them, please.'

'Why?' Moonracer looked perplexed.

'Just trust the human female on this. Stop touching them; leave them alone and no pulling the suit away from them,' I prayed to god that they actually listened to me.

'But they're so annoying,' Chromia glared, 'how do you cope with them?'

'It's called a bra,' I pointed out and all three of them frowned at me in confusion.

'A what?' Moonracer asked.

'A bra…you know, what human females wear…I'll explain later,' I promised.

At that moment, much to my relief, Lennox and Epps reappeared with a large collection of army uniforms which they had probably pinched from the laundry. They dumped the pile on the floor and I went to stand next to it, before clearing my throat. The Autobots all turned to look at me, then at the pile on the floor. It was probably a good thing that Lennox and Epps had arrived when they did, as there was now more human skin visible than suit. I picked up one of the jackets.

'Okay guys, I know you're all confused as heck right now, we all are. And I know that all you want to do is start to figure out what the hell is happening. But first, I need you guys to find a jacket or a shirt and some pants and put them on, alright?'

Confused stares, 'why?'

'Because none of you are wearing anything under those suits, that's my guess anyway.'

One of the twins, I had no clue which one asked, 'but why is dat a bad thing?'

I shot him a glare and sighed, 'because in human society nudity in public is a big a no no. So, clothes on, now please.'

For a long moment they all just stared at me and at each other before Optimus stepped forward and scooped up a jacket and trousers, 'come on you lot. Do as she says. Ally is after all our resident human, she knows what she's talking about.'

I smiled at him weakly, 'thanks.'

As they variously figured out how to put the clothes they had been present with on, I turned to Lennox and Epps, 'okay, we have a collection of human Autobots, which is just unnatural. And they probably can't spend the rest of the time that they're human in borrowed uniforms, mainly because the soldiers will want them back.'

Lennox and Epps both nodded in agreement, 'what do you suggest?'

I bit the bottom corner of my lip and glanced briefly back them before nodding and laughing in bitter amusement, 'I suggest taking them shopping. They need clothes, and we have absolutely no clue how long they're going to be human for.'

Thankfully it seemed that both of them agreed with me and I steeled myself to partake in a mission of epic proportions which would definitely challenge my mental strength. Shopping. For Aliens. Aliens who had no clue how human clothing worked. This was going to be fun.

That was sarcastic.


	3. Not-so-Shopaholic

**Well hello there! I am back. Surprisingly quickly actually. Yay! Party!**

**So, I don't have much to say this time, except for thank you to everyone who has read and/or reviewed. Big smiles and cookies to all of you!**

**Princess Selina: Do I want to know what these peculiar images are? **

**Life-Luvr123: Thank you so much for your review. I included a few of the very good ideas which you gave me; try to see if you can spot them anywhere. Thank you so much buddy! You bring popcorn, I'll supply the ice-cream. **

**Anissa: I hereby present you with Chapter 3 so you can read more! In answer to your question about the fourth, probably, I have a plan. But you must wait to see! My chapters will probably get longer as the story progresses; I just need to have more to put in them first without rushing the story too much. Thank you so much for you reviews!**

**On that note, please enjoy! **

**Chapter 3: Not-so-Shopaholic**

As it turned out, the Autobots were way more thrilled to participate in this shopping mission than I was. None of them had ever been shopping before, as was probably to be expected from giant alien robots who really had no need for any of the crap which humans bought. So this was going to be a new experience for all of them. Needless to say, they were intrigued when I informed them of what we were going to do and all seemed quite eager.

In the end I decided that it would be best to take them in small groups or individually as none of them could walk that well and all of them were wearing clothes that were either too big or too small. And for my mental health more than anything I decided that it would be best to avoid attracting masses of attention which those two factors would no doubt bring.

I took the Triplets first, deciding to start off in an area of clothes shopping that I was more familiar with. The nearest mall was way too far away to try to drive to and fro multiple times, so of course, teleportation was necessary where we unfortunately ended up in the multi-story car park. After nearly getting hit by several cars and after I had dragged the three of them away from the automatic doors, which for some reason fascinated them, we finally made inside. Once inside the mall, I suddenly had a realisation of what shopping with small children was like. They wanted to look at absolutely everything. Every item in the windows, the small cafés, the billboards, the escalators, the elevators and most of all the people, fascinated them. Keeping an eye on all three of them turned out to be a much bigger challenge than I had originally thought as I was constantly backtracking, jumping up onto elevated surfaces and running into random stores to find at least one of them.

'Ooh, Ally what's that?' Moonracer asked, pointing at videogame store which had several advertising posters and screens in the window.

'A shop where they brainwash the population,' I said, quite jokingly.

Moonracer took me quite seriously though, and hurried past the doorway to it like it was the gate to Hell. I snorted in quiet laughter and continued to guide/drag the triplets into a department store. There we were faced with problem number two. They had no idea what clothes were for what.

_This is going to take forever,_ I thought, sighing deeply, before saying out loud, 'come on you three, this way.'

I led them over to a corner of the store and stood them in front of me, 'right. I need you three to stick close to me, at all times for this. And if you need to ask about what something is, please do it quietly, we don't want to attract huge amounts of attention.'

My plan was thwarted by Chromia almost instantly as she pulled something of a rack and stared at it in wonder, 'what's this?'

She pulled it over her head like earmuffs and I squeezed my eyes shut, 'Chromia, that's a bra.'

'A what?' all three of them asked.

I gently took the garment from Chromia, 'keep your voices down. Please. You know how you were complaining about, these,' I gestured, 'earlier. You said they were annoying. Well, this is what women use to keep them from getting in the way.'

'How?' Chromia asked in curiosity.

I explained, slowly and carefully how it worked, avoiding the confused gaze of the shop assistant until I was done. When I had finished, all three of them finally looked like they understood me. With a smile, satisfied that they knew what I was talking about now, I led them over a rack which sold sports bras.

'You'll probably be looking at getting these,' I said, taking one off and handing it to Arcee, 'they provide much more support and given we don't know how long you're going to be like this for and what you'll be doing in that time, it would probably be best.'

Eventually, and with the help of a bra fitter the three of them were sorted. I could only imagine what the poor assistant was thinking when she left us. I had only heard snippets of her attempt at polite conversation with them in the fitting rooms, but I could bet that it hadn't gone overly well with the triplets.

Then, thankfully came the easier part of our trip. I hoped. I really hoped.

Slowly, I took them around the women's section of the store, pointing out the various racks and explaining what was on them. Skirts, jeans, tracksuits, singlets, blouses, tee-shirts, jackets. The three listened, fully engrossed in this entire situation. I felt as if I was talking to three year olds, but at least they were being quiet. Finally, after I had finished explaining to them what things were, I stood back.

'Okay, stick to this area and go and find stuff you like the look of I guess. I'll wait here, wave me over if you need anything.'

I didn't need to tell them twice. They were gone faster than I could blink. With a slightly amused smile I leaned against a pillar and watched them trawling through the racks of clothes. They were easy enough to keep an eye on; it was damn near impossible to lose sight of the purple, the pink and the blue hair in such a small area. A few of the other ladies in the area gave them weird looks, but thankfully, no seemed to bother them.

Arcee waved me over first and I found her holding a pair of smart looking jeans, 'which way do they go?'

I showed her as best I could, as Moonracer and Chromia approached, seemingly with the same question as all three watched me with immense interest as I explained. They had seemed to be able to get the trousers they were wearing currently on, but I would happily bet they would only be on the right way by a fluke.

At last, the three had selected clothing and I guided them in the direction of a fitting room. Here, I waited patiently outside, only going over to the stalls when one of them called out for help with buttons or belt buckles or which hole to stick their head through in a shirt.

When at last they emerged, one by one, I was slightly stunned at how…semi ordinary they looked. Ignoring the multi-coloured hair and the glowing eyes they could almost be taken for ordinary humans. Almost. I studied them as they appeared in front of me with a small smile on my face.

Moonracer, the first to emerge had definitely leaned toward a more coloured selection of clothing, with pale blue jeans, a light purple button up shirt and a cream coloured sweater. Arcee had gone a bit darker, with plain black leggings, a long grey and white striped shirt and, surprisingly a deep red trench coat which she was admiring proudly. Chromia, I wasn't overly surprised, had gone for a much darker look, with dark ripped jeans, a black shirt and a hooded jacket. I beamed at all of them.

'Much better. You look, normal-ish,' I praised them and they all smiled, 'now, shoes.'

Shoes were much easier than clothes, and in no time we were walking away from the department store with three much more normal looking triplets carrying a small array of bags. I had insisted on an after-thought that we buy a few more articles of clothing, just in case they were human for longer than a few days.

Of course I knew that if they were going to be human for an extended period of time then we would be visiting here again. But then at least they would know what to do and it wouldn't be so mortally embarrassing.

Upon our return to the base, as the Triplets variously showed off to the others, I collected the next two unfortunate victims, Ironhide and Ratchets without any ceremony and dragged them with me back to the mall. Here I made sure not to land in the car park but a back street behind the mall.

'Okay you two,' I smiled at them, 'I need you to stick close, alright and if you're going to ask something that isn't normal, keep your voice down.'

'What isn't a normal thing to ask?' Ironhide looked confused.

I gave him a look, 'just bear in mind that most humans know how to dress themselves. They also know what various articles of clothing are called and know where to find them. The two of you running around and not having a clue would not go down well. So, just, stay close. Please.'

Thankfully both of them obeyed, a minor surprise, especially for Ironhide, considering I was expecting him to go running off the first chance he got. But they both stayed close, and did nothing that would attract any more attention than their ill-fitting borrowed uniforms, bare feet and clumsy walk. Very deliberately I took them into a different clothing store than the one I had taken the Triplets into.

As it turned out, Ratchet was very competent at choosing clothing, seeming to already understand what just about everything was. I approached him, although I kept an eye on Ironhide in my peripheral vision.

'Have you been doing research?' I asked as he held a shirt up to his body.

'Not really. I'm mainly just observant. It's pretty obvious to figure out which things are which from watching you humans,' he said, a little distractedly.

'Tell that to Ironhide,' I looked over at the weapons specialist and nearly face palmed, 'hold on a sec.'

I ran over to Ironhide and took the skirt from him hands, 'not for you buddy.'

'What is it?' he asked.

'It's a skirt. And it's for girls,' I said bluntly, hanging it back up, taking his arm and dragging him over to the men's section once again, 'you need to stay in this area and only this area.'

Deciding that Ratchet was probably fine to sort himself out, I opted to stay with Ironhide as he carefully looked through the racks, eventually selecting suitable clothes. Once again, I waited outside the fitting room, awkwardly nodding at other people who came and went.

'Ah, Ally?' Ironhide called.

'Yes?' I refrained from using his name.

'Little help…please?'

As it turned out Ironhide had attempted to use the trousers as a shirt. I rolled my eyes, although I couldn't help the smile, 'here,' I pulled them off his arms and handed him the shirt he had chosen, 'this might be easier to put on. The little tag goes at the back.'

'Surely you've been on Earth long enough to know how humans dress themselves,' Ratchet hissed from the stall next to us.

Ironhide banged the wall with his elbow, 'shut it Doc.'

When at last the two were dressed, once again, they looked, normal. Ironhide had gone for a darker look, with black jeans, a dark grey shirt and a leather jacket, which I had no idea where he had found but I wasn't about to argue with him. Ratchet, I decided, had watched too many human medical shows as he now looked like a human doctor, with a button up white shirt, black pants and a tie. I had no idea how he had managed to tie the tie, but Google was a wonderful thing after all.

Jazz and Bumblebee were the next up, and much like last time, I took them to a different clothing store. And here we went through the same process as the others, with me explaining things to them and them eventually deciding on clothes. Because they were younger, especially Bumblebee, it was no surprise that they went for a more human teenage style.

Bumblebee found himself a set of mock army cargos, a plain white shirt and surprisingly enough a black jacket with yellow trimmings. He proudly showed it to me when he emerged from his change room, buzzing softly. Jazz simply found a set of plain jeans, a logoed shirt and a patterned hoodie.

In the end I opted to take Starscream and Sideswipe separately to each other, given that neither got on particularly well. And given that Sideswipe and I didn't get on much either, it was a disaster anyway. The only thing that I could be grateful for was that he decided against running away and acting like a complete idiot. Instead, he opted to walk beside me in sulky silence. He probably would have been considered good looking for a human, with his ash blonde hair and bright blue eyes, if it hadn't been for his permanent grouchy look. From his appearance I could only guess that he was in his early twenties.

He listened to my instructions in silence, for the most part and he was probably one of the fastest to buy for. He dressed himself neatly in jeans, a dark blue shirt which had "Bite Me" printed in bold across the front and a grey hooded jacket, for the most part refusing my help, insisting that he could do it himself.

Starscream was much more open and enthusiastic about the whole experience. Tall and lanky, he exceeded me in height by a good head and unlike the others he seemed to have gotten his head around the whole walking deal. The first thing I did though when were out was find him a set of cheap sunglasses.

'What are these for?' he asked as I shoved them onto his nose, after showing him the right way to put them on.

'Your eyes are red,' I said simply, 'that's not normal.'

I turned away to check out the other sunglasses on the rack and when I looked back at him I couldn't help but snort in amusement. He had tilted the sunglasses down his nose and was waggling his eyebrows at the mirror.

'What you doing?' I asked, holding back laughter.

'I saw it in a movie,' he pushed them back up against his eyes, then tilted them down again, 'I've never had eyebrows before, they're fascinating. What's their purpose?'

I paused, 'no clue. But look up pictures of humans without eyebrows, it's pretty damn creepy.'

Starscream went back to examining his eyebrows until I took his arm, 'Come on James Bond, let's find you some clothes.'

Starscream certainly made shopping fun, as he ducked around racks and made cynical comments about what he saw, rivalling me when I went out with Abbie. But at last, after enduring the stares of onlookers for long enough he emerged from a change room with a flourish.

'What do you think?' he asked, as I studied his new attire.

He had decided on a set of slim jeans, a long sleeved grey tee-shirt and a red and white checked short sleeved shirt thrown over the top, buttons open like it was a jacket. Complete with the sunglasses he looked decidedly like a normal young man.

'Pretty good. I approve,' I smiled at him.

Next came…the Twins.

I had been dreading this all day, the moment I would have to take those two out in public. And it was just as bad as I feared. They didn't listen to me, I lost either one or both of them three or four times and their antics ended up getting us thrown out of several shops before they finally settled down. And that was only after I dragged them into a backstreet and threatened to blow them to smithereens if they didn't obey me. Needless to say they were slightly better behaved after that, and I eventually managed to get them to choose out clothes. Of course no amount of threats could stop the several minute argument about how to wear pants.

'They go this way, you moron,' Skids held them up the wrong way.

'And how are you supposed to do up the little button at the front then dumb-ass?' Mudflap turned them the right way.

Skids turned them back, 'what button?'

'That button!'

'What's the point of that?'

'I don't know stupid, ask Ally.'

'I ain't stupid, you're stupid.'

By the time I arrived back after those two I was ready to drop. All the teleporting had exhausted me and the constant running around and explaining to clueless Autobots had left me drained of all my remaining energy and will power. Optimus approached me cautiously, awkwardly resting his hand on my arm, not seeming comfortable with how close to my size he was. Not that he was that close to my size, he was probably over six feet tall, compared to my five foot four stature.

'You look tired, perhaps you should rest for a while?' he offered.

I shook my head, 'no point. Just got you left now. Come on, let's get this over with.'

Fortunately, Optimus was well behaved, although he was still as curious as the rest when it came to everything in the mall. Too tired to hurry him on, I let him stop to look at things, only being mindful that he didn't look too odd while doing it. It was a real change seeing him like this. Since they had arrived nearly three years ago now, I had become so used to the stoic, ever calm leader. Sure, I had seen his holoform, but it still surprised me to see him this…young. I had always pictured him a bit older. But instead he appeared to only be in his early twenties. Of course, the more malleable human face made a change as I watched him pull a variety of facial expressions which he seemed just as confused about as I found funny.

Eventually we made it to a store and he looked at me quite calmly, obviously waiting for the explanations which he no doubt had been told would occur. Ultimately grateful for his cooperation I took him around the basics as he listened attentively.

'So, this is where I say be free to choose,' I said at last.

Hesitantly he moved away from me as I sat down on one of the stools that the shop assistants used to put items on high shelves. Eventually he came over to me, holding a small bundle of clothes, and asked me what he needed to do next.

Once again I ended up waiting outside a change room, awkwardly acknowledging others who came and went. Much like the others who I had brought shopping, Optimus did end up needing help as he tried to figure out the method to putting the human clothes on.

Pushing open the door I couldn't help but snicker as I saw him holding a plain grey tee-shirt up, eyeing the arm hole as if he was attempting to put his head through it. With a small smile I took the shirt from his hands.

'Here,' I shook it out and held it up, 'your head goes through here. Your arms go through here. And this little label goes at the back.'

I handed the shirt back to him, but stayed in the room as he tugged it on. I smiled at him, 'much better. You look human now.'

Optimus returned the faint smile, before irritably blowing a lump of dark brown hair from his eyes, 'I see why you find this annoying.'

Shrugging, I gathered up the discarded army uniform, 'I don't think you would suit being bald.'

'Pardon?'

'I don't think you would suit not having hair,' I clarified, 'your face, it has the wrong structure.'

He tilted his head, blinking in bewilderment, and I decided to just drop the subject as I swiped my credit card. This amount of expenditure was going to be fun to explain later, I honestly didn't want to know what the bill for today would add up to.

Outside the store where we had been, a runway was in the process of being set up for what I could only assume was going to be a fashion show for one of the larger department stores to show off their winter stock. Standing on the runway were two men, arguing with each other quite loudly. Optimus paused and glanced over at them.

'What's this about?' he asked.

'No clue. And I don't really care. Come on,' I pushed him along.

Even from where we were down on the ground we could hear them, 'I can't believe you designed _this _atrocity. No one will wear this.'

'But you told me to come up with something unique.'

'I did _not_ mean this. I will not be able to convince any of my models to wear this and certainly no one sane would buy it!'

I have no clue what happened next, but quite literally out of nowhere Optimus froze as a jacket dropped over his head, having been thrown by one of the two arguing men. I quickly reached out and pulled it away, as he shook his head, blinking rapidly. Turning, I glared at the two who were still arguing.

'Watch it princesses,' I yelled.

Rolling my eyes, I turned my attention back to Optimus, who was holding the jacket out in front of him. It was then that I saw the design of the jacket, 'oh you have got to be kidding me.'

To describe it briefly, the jacket was almost an exact copy of Optimus's old paint work. It was made of a leathery material, with orange and red flames patterned across the dark blue background. Optimus looked positively thrilled as he studied it, but all the same he folded it and went to hand it back the designer who was just approaching.

'You dropped this?' he offered it.

The second man, who had no doubt thrown it, stalked over and before the designer could take the jacket back shook his head, 'keep it if you want. I will not be accepting this rubbish,' he glared at the designer.

With an air of hesitation Optimus looked down at me and I just shrugged, 'try it on. He did just offer it to you quite seriously.'

Out of sheer dumb luck the jacket actually fit him, very well it seemed. He looked around me, 'what do you think?'

If I was a manga chibi at that moment then I could just picture me with my jaw on the floor and wide boggled eyes. It looked absolutely fabulous on him in my opinion and obviously I wasn't the only one with that thought.

'See, it suits _him_,' the designer argued.

'Yes, but I think he may be a special case,' was the reply, 'you can have it.'

I exchanged a look with Optimus, 'for free?' I asked.

'Yes. No one else will wear this _thing_. You may have it for free, just so long as I never see it again.'

He quite literally flounced away, the designer trailing in his wake, looking annoyed, but not arguing his case anymore. I looked up at Optimus, who was examining the sleeve of his jacket before he looked up at me.

'Is that normal?' he asked.

'No, no that is not normal,' was my reply, 'come on Optimus. Let's get out of here.'

'Absolutely.'


End file.
